When I close my eyes I can still feel the waves kiss
the bottoms of my legs,
feel the sand seep between my toes
as I stand in front of the world, hear
laughter crescendo down my spine
breathe deep the salt and California pines,
open my eyes and see children molding mud into castles
wonder when it happens,

When we forget
how to create beauty out of chaos,
to imagine with our hearts instead of our minds.

Does the levity stop at the same time?
or does it slowly change as we age,
turn from water to masonry,
a statue to stand guard, moored,
sensible and sound
lost to the mirth, to the carefree and weightless
waiting,
waiting
to be brought down.

my throat swells at the slightest thought, makes my knees
go weak, my hands shake, stomach churn into a storm of wind and water
creeping its way up to the blockade, the dam
you've built inside of me, a well of emotions cut off from oxygen,
to be forgotten, murdered by a lack of heart,
words turned to frostbitten skin in need of light
a warm body to heal, fire to spark rebirth
to open up my chest and shock my soul,
bring me back.

----------

i've been a bit busy and my poetry has suffered.  fiction, however, is still happening. 

oh, and this:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/JewelRhi1

sometimes it's nice to sit here at my desk
feel the oak rings underneath shaking fingertips and wonder
when it was we began to drift, easily like the snow across gravel roads
or the way words tumble lightly onto empty pages

well, as empty as the love hanging from your lips
when you push me away with frosted falsified sentences
only to pull another warm body closer
your way of burying me and all you wish to forget
with hit after hit heavily pounding the center of my chest

it shouldn't come as a shock but it does,

it does.

perhaps the reason for your hatred lies within your lies
and the promise of truth i treasure, calling you out
when black snakes slip through your teeth, wagging a tongue of deceit
as you recount memories altered by your own desire
to be that better person, afraid to see yourself for what you are

liar

liar

caught in your own damn fire
where everything we could have had turns to white ash
a future that's nothing but history rewritten

again and again

often enough for me to let go, watch darkness roll in with the smoke
any future we could have had lost

let it burn

let it burn

until strangers become your kin
and i, your ghost.

we stare at each other
feel the space between heart and mind
see the air hanging heavy over the long oak table
waiting to vanquish any hard words said
with smiles and awkward glances
as we realize our differences

the space we've formed
a wedge of discontent and harsh memories
recreated and exaggerated
weighted by bias and false thoughts
unknown feelings never able to worm their way out
from under the rocks placed so neatly over them

imprisoning oceans of time
laid to rest between fork and spoon
on an aquamarine napkin
where we smear each others names
see the worst of the best
laugh and spit overdone peas onto the dirty floor

the same floor i sat and spun my bottom on
arranged magnetic letters into a mess
of three year old poetry
trying, even then, to snag your attention
to catch even one little breath
as it falls from your lips

not knowing
you would always be a stranger, at best

there is nothing more fierce than the wind
when you live in a paper house
or no house at all
cooking with wooden spoons
on a crooked electric stove
food made of imagination
for thought?

you cannot cry here
or the floor will sag
break from the slightest weight
please, don't make it rain
i can't take another day
out in the open

where nothing is more frightening
than darkness pounding
creasing and tearing its way in
into the caverns
where our souls sit and drink
a toast to poverty

we have each other, you say
wait, don't go, stay
good things come . . .
we've already spent so much time
a dreadfully long time
waiting
it's bound to be on its way
just watch the sand fall,
grain by grain